How to do a Bereavement (funeral) Dinner

At each church I've been at I chosen to do one "big thing", if not for having multiple small children I would have done a great deal but like anything babies don't last forever and I try to enjoy whatever season of life I'm currently in. At our first church I taught Sunday School at our currant church I do the funeral dinners.
I have experience with professional cooking and I enjoy this. It used to be if there was a funeral ladies of the church would each bring a dish, this is no longer the case in many areas, if you are a larger church , especially a larger church with older members you will probably have several funerals a month, most younger women work outside the home. Some churches hire caters to do this, which is costly and often you only have 2 days notice. I recently attended a funeral at a church where they serve a large subway sandwich and chips with cans of soda pop, yes it was adequate but I melt like it had been throw together because of obligation to host one not because of care and concern.

We have the ladies of the church divided into groups those who are willing to provide a desert and those who are willing to help with setup and especially cleanup! I and a helper do all the rest.

Why are funeral dinners so important? First it gives the family and friends of the deceased a time to gather and share fellowship and reminisce over the departed loved one. It also is a outword representation of your Churches love towards its member. It give you an opportunity to reach those who are unchurched or who have preconceived notions about church.
That is why its so important that the utmost care be taken and that the dinner be done right.

Question#1 How many should I plan for ?

The minister will ask the family at the time of funeral arraignment how many they are expecting, usually it it slightly over estimated, however if the funeral is on a Saturday generally it will have a high turn out, also if the funeral is for someone who dies unexpectedly or who is younger it will be a very high turn out.
For some reason if the funeral is held at the church we seem to get more people then if its held at a funeral home. If its bad weather or people aren't having public internment at a cemetery more are likely to stay for the dinner. I have a standing rule since my husband is doing the funeral to get a quick head count before the service if its much higher number then expected he can give me a heads up.

Question #2 What should I serve ?

In our area funerals are almost always at 11am so we serve lunch in the winter and fall people here expect a full , heavy meal I would serve once of the following:

Roast Turkey
Stuffing
Cranberry sauce
Mashed Potatoes (real please)
Rolls and butter
various cold salads/deviled eggs/fruit cup


(If a large amount of children are coming I make pigs in a blanket using hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls )

Ham
Sweet Potato and /or Macaroni and Cheese casserole
Apple sauce
Rolls and butter
Various cold salads/deviled eggs/fruit cup

Rigatoni w/ Meat Sauce
Tossed Salad with assorted dressings
Rolls or sliced bread w/ butter
various cold salads/deviled eggs/fruit cup

Spring and Summer


Chicken or Egg salad on a crescent roll
AND Ham and Cheese on a hard roll
a plate of sliced tomato,lettuce mayo and mustard
fresh vegetables with dip
Pasta salad and potato salad
chips and pretzels
cheese ball and crackers
Fruit cup and light desert such as gelatin salads and cookies

Our church ladies provide the deserts


I serve coffee, hot tea and lemonade and ice water, in summer I would serve iced tea in addition .

I never serve just plan heated vegetables, our food sits in roasters waiting till people come and vegetables will lose their color and who honestly wants to eat brown corn or peas straight from a can. These above mentioned foods stand up well to being kept hot in a roaster.

For the sandwiches I will make the filling the night before and stuff then the morning of.

I always serve buffet style with silverware and napkin already on the tables, if you have enough help its nice to have ladies serving drink refills throughout the meal as well as coming by with desert trays. With the leftovers always offer it to the family first, if you have additional leftovers you can give them to shut ins.

You might think that it sounds like a whole lot of work the equivalent to cooking a big holiday meal for 100 people and it is but it's also a very important ministry.