Book Winner

Andrea V. is the winner, using www.random.com she was selected. Sorry to all those who didn't win but next Friday there will be another giveaway.

Giveaway- Money Saving Mom

Brand New Hard Cover Book
Please leave either your name or e-mail in the comment section to win this copy.
** for those who asked you have till 12 midnight Friday, Eastern time then I will draw a random number.

That "Darning" Egg

In bringing out my Easter things I realize that my Grandma's darning egg had gotten placed among the decorations, now If your too young to know what a darning egg is its a wood or (marble in my case) egg that women would drop down a sock or stocking that needed repair to hold the shape while they mended it. I wonder when this went out of fashion, when stocking stopped being made of silk? Now days I just throw away socks the get holy or stockings that get runs.

That "Crazy" Pastor's Wife

I'm afraid in the last few years I've developed a slightly unsettling habit, when I am asked a rude or invasive question by a congregate I immediately respond with an outlandish or silly answer, sadly it seems to work! I am not questioned or given advice any farther.

Examples:

Congregate: "Do you mind if I ask how old you are?"

Mrs.ReverendDr. : "15 , my last birthday" (I was actually 27, when this was asked by a PNC committee member) as I am 12 years younger the the Rev. Dr. some people assume I am his second wife, I assure all readers I am not!

Congreate: "Have to ever tried using a time out seat" (this was after the PresbyBoy tried to blow out the Advent candles during the Children's Sermon)

Mrs.ReverendDr. : "I find that a plain, old brown leather belt and a bar of Ivory soap works just as well."

One day I must learn to happily smile and nod, just not today.

The Pastor's Pastor or Executive Presbyter

In our denomination there are Executive Presbyters or as I call them the Pastor's Pastor now I've often imagined what it must be like to be one and I have a feeling it probably consists of putting out a lot of fires and listening to a lot of complaints and going to endless meetings. And no doubt dealing with any illegal situations or charges of misconduct. Not anything very fun at all! They do pulpit supply on occasion and show up for the big things like installation services and those wonderful Presbytery meetings, making sure the churches and ministers are taken care of however they have no secure congregation to which they go to every week.
That certainly takes someone with a lot of patience. Now if your a minister or just a parishioner how do you treat your EP? Do you send them Christmas cards, or perhaps a note of appreciation? Offer to take them to dinner? The EP's congregation are the churches he ministers to. I would challenge you to go the extra mile in making sure your EP feel appreciated.

Clerical Robes..

I wasn't raised in a church where clergy wore robes, for some reason seeing my husband in a clerical robe (complete with coordinating sole) always unnerves me a bit, I kind of feel like I'm on a date with a priest. I also happen to have a completely black maternity dress with velvet trim that could also double as a robe, whenever we are both shaking hands after service and I'm wearing it I always feel a little like the clerical bobbsey twins.

Now, I was pricing new robes recently and a polyester robe was around $300 a wool one $500 what the heck! Thank Goodness for the parishioner who have Rev.Dr. a collection of soles for a gift otherwise I would never spend that amount.

Now in my pursuits to acquire inexpensive clerical clothing I did manage to find a sewing pattern, its discontinues of course and is $65 used!

It would probably be cheaper to buy the pattern and materials and hire a good dressmaker to fit a robe to you.

The Pastor's Wife Poem

"Life, as Viewed from the Goldfish Bowl"

by: Beverly Hyles

Excerpt "Help! I'm a Pastor's Wife"

Daily works from morn 'till night

Perfect children, act just right,

House is always neat and clean,

Company may soon be seen,
Cheerfully at every meeting,
Smiling nicely with her greeting,
Slim, trim and always fit,
Confident and quick to wit,
Thrifty, smart and pretty,too.
Knows the Bible through and through,
Cooks and entertains with zest,
Never worried, never stressed,
Talent, charm and patience too,
Nothing that she cannot do,
Never existing in real life,
She's the mythical preacher's wife!

Manse or Housing Allowance?

In the PC (USA) most churches offer a Manse or housing allowance, some offer only the option of a Manse and some Churchs no longer wanting to maintain a manse have sold it and therefore only offer a housing allowance. I have lived in both situations and both have their good sides and bad. When we we're in the process of looking for our current call I was horrified at some of the Manses I was shown. Our Manse had been well maintained by the church and I foolishly thought all churches did this...how wrong I was.

One Manse was about 150 years old and though HUGE it was beside the church and the church being the same age had over the years paved over the Manse yard to extend their parking lot, not to mention it was actually attached to the church itself. Their previous Pastor had them do no maintenance or improvements the 25 years he had lived there,claiming he didn't want them to "spend the money" there was a good 6 inch gap between the wall and the floor boards where the foundation had shifted. This Pastor did them no favors by not letting- insisting on regular maintenance.
The four upstairs bedrooms had never been used by the minister and were a lead pain nightmare waiting to happen. We were told by the PNC committee that they would be making improvements if we decided to come, well not only did this place need well over 100k in work it would have taken many,many months for it to be done and the thought of living in a construction zone with an infant didn't appeal to us. The area we were looking at had a high cost of living that wasn't reflected in the housing allowance so needless to say we didn't even consider a call there after that meeting.
In my opinion if you are a church PNC member reading this consider that before you even start interviewing people have your Manse ship shape, no matter how wonderful your church is if it looks like you don't keep up the Manse well it reflects poorly on you as a church. Maybe you are offering a choice, if that is so and your next Pastor chooses a housing allowance you should most likely rent out the Manse and so it needs to be well kept regardless!


Housing allowance- This is what we currently have in my opinion at some point you realize that you will one day retire and have no equity in a home if you have been in a Manse all your ministry. The downside to buying is in our denomination you can't put your home up for sale until you have told your church you are leaving 4-6 weeks before you actually leave, so you might be caring house payments for a while after you have moved on to your next call. If you can find good renters renting your house out if you move to another call that offers a Manse is a good option and you are still building equity in a home, now of course this is IF you can find good tenants that pay on time.
The upside if you are a church that hires a Pastor who buys a home chances are hes not planning on leaving anytime soon. Obviously offer enough housing allowance so he can afford a home in the area of the church, keep in mind also he will be paying taxes on this allowance.

Manse- Living in a Manse is an odd situation , your landlords are your congregation and since Deacons cycle through on a 3 year term they are always changing. Most Pastors don't want to ask for a lot of things they somehow that they feel greedy by doing so. Deacons should ask every 6 months for a list of anything that needs done, don't assume the Pastor should just let you know. In my opinion this is what a Deacons board should do in addition to maintenance of the Manse.

1. Provide lawn care and /or snow plowing, no Pastor has time to mow 2 acres of lawn (trust me)
2. Paint the interior every 5 years or more often as needed
3. Paint the interior a neutral color but let the Pastor chose other colors if he wishes
4. Clean carpets once a year - professionally
5. If an appliance is old, even if it works replace it
6. For goodness sakes don't put light color carpet in a house
7. Central Air is nice, if not the church should buy window units for the main living areas and bedrooms.
8. Provide shades or blinds for all windows, a neutral sheer curtain is nice also
9. If you live in a area that has bug problems provide regular pest control
10. Have a policy regarding the Pastor's pets, if hes coming and bring an animal make sure you are willing to accept that it might cause wear and tear to the carpets/yard.

Have a designated person that the minister knows to call if there is an emergency situation with the Manse. In our previous Manse we had the heat stop working and we called the head deacon who was new to the job she had no idea that she would be in charge of such things.
Keep in mind if you are a church providing a Manse it may be more house then some Pastors need but they are paying taxes on 30% of their cash salary so in effect they are most likely saving the church money by choosing to live in it. The downside to a church having a Manse is that the minister can very easily leave for another call, he has no home to sell or notice to give on a lease.

How to do a Bereavement (funeral) Dinner

At each church I've been at I chosen to do one "big thing", if not for having multiple small children I would have done a great deal but like anything babies don't last forever and I try to enjoy whatever season of life I'm currently in. At our first church I taught Sunday School at our currant church I do the funeral dinners.
I have experience with professional cooking and I enjoy this. It used to be if there was a funeral ladies of the church would each bring a dish, this is no longer the case in many areas, if you are a larger church , especially a larger church with older members you will probably have several funerals a month, most younger women work outside the home. Some churches hire caters to do this, which is costly and often you only have 2 days notice. I recently attended a funeral at a church where they serve a large subway sandwich and chips with cans of soda pop, yes it was adequate but I melt like it had been throw together because of obligation to host one not because of care and concern.

We have the ladies of the church divided into groups those who are willing to provide a desert and those who are willing to help with setup and especially cleanup! I and a helper do all the rest.

Why are funeral dinners so important? First it gives the family and friends of the deceased a time to gather and share fellowship and reminisce over the departed loved one. It also is a outword representation of your Churches love towards its member. It give you an opportunity to reach those who are unchurched or who have preconceived notions about church.
That is why its so important that the utmost care be taken and that the dinner be done right.

Question#1 How many should I plan for ?

The minister will ask the family at the time of funeral arraignment how many they are expecting, usually it it slightly over estimated, however if the funeral is on a Saturday generally it will have a high turn out, also if the funeral is for someone who dies unexpectedly or who is younger it will be a very high turn out.
For some reason if the funeral is held at the church we seem to get more people then if its held at a funeral home. If its bad weather or people aren't having public internment at a cemetery more are likely to stay for the dinner. I have a standing rule since my husband is doing the funeral to get a quick head count before the service if its much higher number then expected he can give me a heads up.

Question #2 What should I serve ?

In our area funerals are almost always at 11am so we serve lunch in the winter and fall people here expect a full , heavy meal I would serve once of the following:

Roast Turkey
Stuffing
Cranberry sauce
Mashed Potatoes (real please)
Rolls and butter
various cold salads/deviled eggs/fruit cup


(If a large amount of children are coming I make pigs in a blanket using hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls )

Ham
Sweet Potato and /or Macaroni and Cheese casserole
Apple sauce
Rolls and butter
Various cold salads/deviled eggs/fruit cup

Rigatoni w/ Meat Sauce
Tossed Salad with assorted dressings
Rolls or sliced bread w/ butter
various cold salads/deviled eggs/fruit cup

Spring and Summer


Chicken or Egg salad on a crescent roll
AND Ham and Cheese on a hard roll
a plate of sliced tomato,lettuce mayo and mustard
fresh vegetables with dip
Pasta salad and potato salad
chips and pretzels
cheese ball and crackers
Fruit cup and light desert such as gelatin salads and cookies

Our church ladies provide the deserts


I serve coffee, hot tea and lemonade and ice water, in summer I would serve iced tea in addition .

I never serve just plan heated vegetables, our food sits in roasters waiting till people come and vegetables will lose their color and who honestly wants to eat brown corn or peas straight from a can. These above mentioned foods stand up well to being kept hot in a roaster.

For the sandwiches I will make the filling the night before and stuff then the morning of.

I always serve buffet style with silverware and napkin already on the tables, if you have enough help its nice to have ladies serving drink refills throughout the meal as well as coming by with desert trays. With the leftovers always offer it to the family first, if you have additional leftovers you can give them to shut ins.

You might think that it sounds like a whole lot of work the equivalent to cooking a big holiday meal for 100 people and it is but it's also a very important ministry.

Goals

My goals for this blog is to discuss a variety of topics that would interest /help Pastor's wives. I will direct my blogging towards ladies particular. I do realize that there are many men that are married to ministers in this day and age but since I am not one of them I don't feel I have any knowledge to write from that viewpoint.